Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Moving House

Since my day in court, I've been spending every day packing up my house and getting it ready for it's inevitable sale. It has been a difficult couple of weeks although I've been managing to cope a little better as each day passes, although I'm not sure how I will be when it finally is sold. My first day back to pack, I could feel sadness as I approached the front door with trepidation. Unlocking the door slowly, I turned off the alarm and quietly whispered, "Hello house." It was too much and that was all I could manage before I broke down in tears. I sat on the couch, sobbing for several minutes trying to pull myself together. This was a scenario that was to occur frequently over the next two weeks.

Memories and feelings still ran deep even though my house no longer felt like a home. At one point it felt cold, but now it felt tortured. It's heart hadn't disappeared, it was just broken, torn, shattered, severed. My heart. Dreams and potential had now faded into wistful memories that would now forever go unfulfilled and I cried for them and for me.

I began to sort through my possessions and to put them into boxes for moving or discarding. It is amazing how much can be gathered over the course of a decade. So many things had strong emotions attached that made my heart fall when I laid eyes upon them again and I would find myself back on that couch, sobbing for several minutes. It was a long process and progress was slow during that first week. 

As days wore on, sobbing became less frequent and more progress was made. With deadlines looming, sorting has given way to purely shifting with promises of discarding unnecessary items postponed to a later time. Even though I have been packing for a long time now, there is still some way to go yet and I'm sure plenty of tears will still be shed. 

1 comment:

ellie said...

thinking of ya hun... tough times indeed but all lead to new beginnings.. luv ya work... PS _ have you ever changed your name somewhere and ended up wth a statement to Mr NEWNAME SURNAME ??? bloody annoying that :) xoxo