I returned my attention just as the young checkout girl lowered another plastic bag onto the pickup area. My brows furrowed as something about the bag seemed a little odd. It only contained one bottle! Where were the other two, I wondered as my gaze darted amongst my bags of groceries. My furrowed brow transformed into a single lifted brow above wide eyes and dropped jaw as I realised she had packed three bottles in three separate bags. As a stood there with my jaw gaping, I startled myself back into action as I remembered that I was supposed to loading these bags into my trolley and the girl had almost finished scanning all my groceries. I quickly lifted each bag and placed it carefully into my trolley, only to realise that I had the loaded half a dozen bags in the time it took her to scan two items. No, she wasn't the fastest bee in the hive. No matter, a few swipes and signatures later and I was on my way.
I made my way through the shopping centre, pushing the trolley and trying to guide it around the dawdlers using whatever strength and lack of grip I could muster. After years of only buying rubber soled shoes that had a deeper tread than a four wheel drive, I was now walking in tread-less boots that had as much grip as an ice cube in a glass. Suddenly, an asian lady walking the other way decides that she might walk diagonally across the aisle towards whatever she is looking at and in doing so, walks right in front of my trolley. My heart skips a beat and I try to haul my trolley to a stop as the useless soles of my boots skid straight across the floor. I catch a heel and almost fall over but manage to use the trolley to save myself just in time. Now I know what truck drivers must feel like.
"Whatever happened to looking where you are walking?!", I yell in my head. Far be in from me to actually yell in public... unless I'm really angry.. like, The Hulk angry. "In fact, what ever happened to looking at ME??" I've been getting used to people glancing at me and then having the double take or just plain staring, wondering how I dare show my face in public like this. But, this lady had the gall to walk in front of my trolley without even looking at me! I stared at her as she turned to look at the trolley that had stopped just centimetres from spelling her doom. She glanced at the trolley and then looked at me with disdain as if to admonish me for the way I was pushing my trolley. Then she looked towards another shop window ahead and started on her way again.
"What?? No double take??? No second glance????", I thought to myself as I stared after her. She turned back to look at me and I thought my old fears were about to be upheld. Instead, her gaze was different and she looked at me indignantly as if to ask "What are you looking at?", then she looked away and was soon gone.
Once again, I began pushing my trolley though the mall but now my pace was different since I was preoccupied with what had just happened and the irony of the events that had just passed. I had long ago decided to consciously try and not pay attention to whether or not people were looking at me since I was sure the knowledge that I was being stared at constantly would have been so very demoralizing. But was I now not paying attention to something that wasn't happening anyway??? I decided to put the question to the test and began to deliberately look and see if people were looking at me in the way I imagined.
I pushed my trolley through the entire mall watching the eyes and reactions of the passing strangers. An elderly asian lady walking past turned and stared at me. I stared back and watched as the thought processes in her brain suddenly made her aware that I was looking back at her. Her eyes widened and she looked away in embarrassment. I giggled to myself.
The good news is that she was the only person to look at me strangely all day. The bad news is that I still attract a lot of stares, except that they seem to be lecherous stares from sleazy old men.... and I don't even have a cleavage. So it seems I'm escaping from one set of unwanted stared and have now been loaded with another that may not go away so easily. But at least its not so much the stares that are the problem any more, just the people they come from.....
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