Thailand Day T+13

(Contains some adult themes, so reader discretion is advised)


I awoke with my clitoris throbbing with pain between my legs. It was only past midnight and a couple of hours since I had last take some pain killers but I had take some more even though the instructions said I should be waiting another couple of hours. Lying back, I tried to apply pressure in certain areas hoping to ease the pain just a little. It felt like someone had tied a string around the head of my penis and was pulling the knot tight. If that sounds painful and most uncomfortable, then your're getting an idea of how I was feeling.


Morning arrived all too slowly. Another couple of rounds of pain killers had been swallowed as well as my other medication even though I was supposed to take them after meals. I wouldn't be going anywhere for a meal today and I didn't even want to eat anything for breakfast. My nurse arrived at about 10am to help me dilate again. In some ways I had been glad that they didn't work on Sundays as I was joyed at the one day reprieve I had from that torturous exercise. Part of me, however was worried at whether the lack of dilation would have a detrimental effect.


My dilation session did not go well. It felt as if the dilator was way too big and it was uncomfortable, still painful and strangely violating. I bit my lip trying to relax as my nurse asked me to relax but as she helped force the dilator in, I couldn't help it any more and I cried. Shuddering sobs ran through my body as the tears streamed down my face. I tried to stop my body from quivering as it just made the dilation worse, but I kept crying through the whole thirty minute session.


My nurse was also massaging my breast implants and, although the pain from the bruising and swelling was tolerable, occasionally, at certain positions, a sharp pain would sear through my nipples and I would have to cry out and ask her to stop. I felt sorry for her because she seemed so sorry that she was causing me so much pain today, but I know it had to be done. 


I thanked her softly when she left and lied under my blanket and sobbed some more. Anguish, fear, bewilderment, inadequacy and thoughts of futility running through my head. I stayed in bed the whole day, watching the scenery of the ceiling go by. I have another dilation session by myself in an hour and I am scared. Hopefully, sex feels nothing like this, otherwise I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life.