My eyelids were heavy and I tried to open them slowly. Two nurses were looking over me, one holding my hand.
"Good morning, wake up", she chirped brightly. I tried to respond but my throat could only whisper softly. A small wave of panic washed over me as I wondered if the trachea shave had damaged my vocal chords. Another wave of panic washed over me as I realised I couldn't feel anything below my waist.
"My legs", I tried to whisper to the nurse. "I can't feel my legs."
"That's normal", she reassured me. "It's the medication."
I closed my eyes, hoping she was right but still feeling scared.
As the nurses flitted around the room, one of them eventually brought in a few things and gently told me that she would be sleeping here with me tonight to make sure I was ok. She would be sleeping on the floor no less. I felt guilty but reassured by her presence and I don't know if she heard as I tried to whisper a thank you. In hindsight, I guess it may have been technically morning but it was still night time.
I drifted off to a short and shallow sleep. Waking up, I tried to call for the nurses attention but my voice made no sound. I tapped on the side of the bed hoping she would hear me and I saw her comforting silhouette in the darkness. I don't even remember what I asked her for, but whatever it was I needed I remember she brought it quickly and that I was very thankful.
Another short and shallow sleep followed before I woke up in a sweat. Eventually, I tapped again on the side of the bed, relieved when I saw her silhouette pop up again.
"Hot", I said. I hoped I didn't sound like I was whinging. She got up and turned off a fan that, until then, I didn't realise had been running. Stepping out of the room, she turned on the air conditioner to blow refreshingly cool air through the horizontal railings at the top of the wall. To my surprise, she didn't go back to bed but began cleaning things up. Before too long, a couple of other nurses joined her upstairs and I felt guilty again for depriving her from her last hour of sleep.
I dozed in and out for minutes at a time during the morning until at some point the nurses came in and told me I would be moving to my room downstairs. Once again, I thought that I might have been wheeled there in my bed but was a little surprised when I was told to sit up and realised that I would have to walk. Forcing myself up, I realised I was in for a challenge. An instant bout of dizziness and weakness struck me and it was a miracle that I didn't just collapse back onto the bed. Instead, I somehow managed to maintain my sitting position for a few minutes, waiting for the symptoms to ease, but they didn't. Placing my feet in a pair of slippers, the nurses helped me to stand and I felt like I was going to fall over at any second. I was thankful for the three nurses supporting me but was scared that I would crush them if I did fall. They were petite Thai girls and I probably weighed two of them put together. One of them held my drip bag over her head and as she went down the stairs first, they all started giggling. Even I showed a small smile at how silly this whole situation must have looked.
We made it downstairs safely and I collapsed, gratefully, into my new bed as the nurses went and fetched my belongings. I closed my eyes but sleep was always fleeting from that point. Where I thought I might have dozed for several hours, I would open my eyes only to see that all of ten minutes had passed. Once awake, the itchiness took over. For some reason, every part of my body was intensely itchy and I scratched what I could reach without hurting myself due to the constrictions of bandages and stitches.
Time passed ever so slowly.
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